What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic!

Too bad I can't get the formatting for our actual
Christmas letter on here. 

It was cute, if I do say so myself! 

Most of you got one anyway, so you can just stop reading here. 

If you would like to be on our mailing list and aren't already, send us a card and we'll reciprocate! 

Or don't. 

Either way,
 We wish you a Merry Christmas!

Our Christmas letter this year:

Wow!! So much has happened in 2010 that it’s hard to know where to begin. First, there was that nasty business with the IRS (good thing they lost all the paperwork!). Then, of course, there was the trial. I’m sure you’ve all followed it in the news. We were so relieved to get pardoned due to a technicality. (If you ever get in trouble, we know a great lawyer!) Spence is hoping to cash in with the tabloid articles and will be writing his memoirs this year to the tune of 30 million dollars (thanks Random House)! Can’t wait to get our hands on that check….

Kristen’s gambling habits have been in check now for nearly 6 months. We’re so proud of her! Now if we could only help her with her shoplifting and cursing issues. Any suggestions?

Our oldest son, Jacob, got a tattoo, left home and moved to Hollywood. He signed on with a top notch agent and has a new stage name (SNAKE). Jacob is under contract to appear in the next HSM film (is it 4 or 5? I forget). After that he is off on tour with Justin Bieber.

The rest of the kids, however, are stuck at home, dealing with the embarrassment of being our children. They insist on appearing in public just like Michael Jackson’s children used to . . . hooded and unrecognizable.

Our dog, Zilla, just entered the witness protection program for identifying the top mafia boss in the Gambino family. We think she’s now a drug-sniffing dog in Japan. We’ll miss her!

Our home remodeling project got somewhat stalled this summer. When we went to put the new tub into the kid’s bathroom, the rotted floor gave way and everything fell down to the first floor. Now, kids and guests have to shower in the living room. It’s OK though. We rigged up a tarp for privacy. We’ll get back to fixing that as soon as the termite and wood beetle infestations have been cleared up! We’d love to have you come for a visit!

Despite all this, we feel we have much to be thankful for - we haven’t come down with Tuberculosis or Hepatitis B (yet). And, things are going to get interesting in 2011, as Spence will be throwing his hat into the next presidential race. We think he has as good a chance as anyone!

We truly feel so blessed to have you as our family and friends. We love you! BEST WISHES FOR A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS and A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

For a “SNAKE” autographed picture, please send $35 and an SASE to:

 SNAKE Fan Club, attn. Kiki

1234 Hollywood Blvd.

 Los Angeles, CA 90210

Actual events in our family’s life...
• Spence turned the big 4-0! He started a new job mid-year and is now the scoutmaster. ‘Nuff said!
• Kristen started running and to her great surprise, she loves it. She was recently called to be Primary President. If we didn’t know God has a sense of humor before, we do now!!
• Jacob started 10th grade at a brand new High School. Warning: He will be getting his learner’s permit in a matter of days!
• Noah loves to read, anytime, anywhere. He has a big heart, hates chores, and is often quite mischievous.
• Mary is learning Spanish and playing violin. She wants to be reincarnated as a reindeer in a zoo (to be safe).
• Ammon started preschool and is beginning to read! He is very good natured and has the most earwax of anyone on the planet.
• Laina just turned 3 and has become a real sweetheart. She loves to dress up and dance. As the youngest of five, she is one tough cookie!


Add a few pictures and some pretty colors, contact info., you know, the usual stuff, and there you have it!   Have a good one!